Wildfire
a couple of weeks ago, we had a bit of a scare in my family. my parent’s home was on the perimeter of a brush fire. for those of you who live in southern california, you know of the fantastic hills that surround many of our towns. you also know of the yearly brush fires that sweep through them that sometimes rush through local homes - families have lost everything.
the bulk of the scare was within the first 24 hours. roads were blocked and i had no way to come home and see if they were okay. so i just called on the hour every hour to hear the updates. mom asked me what she should pack - photo albums, passports, family heirlooms. what do you pack when all you have is two car trunks and a few hours that represents your life and your family?
by 8pm that evening, the firemen hadn’t come back to the house to evacuate my folks or the neighborhood. and by morning, things were under control. when i came home later that night, i walked in and saw the boxes mom had packed. an indian woman knows how to pack, a product of practice packing suitcases filled with gifts and clothes for family in india within a weight and size limit. i smiled when i saw the boxes.
last week, i had a chance to drive through the hills and saw their black, charred surfaces. it was breathtaking. so raw and powerful and commanding. so peaceful. and i thought about how something that seemed so scary, that ripped through 1000s of acres of land and brought out anxiety and fear, could produce such peace and beauty.
i thought about this in terms of my life. i haven’t spoken about this publicly, but want to now. i was married once. i got married to a man i knew since we were just kids and we got married too young to admit we were not right for each other. a few years ago, we went through a pretty painful divorce - as if a wildfire had ravaged me.
at the peak of the madness, i was in production for "rock candy." i spent the latter part of 2005 promoting the album and getting the word out. professionally, things were exciting and moving fast.
meanwhile at home, in my personal, quiet life, i was a mess. anxious, fearful of what was to come. working harder and harder in music to keep myself from being still with the sadness of watching a relationship dissolve. til finally, in december, when most of my team and friends were on vacation for the holidays, i got quiet and still.
in the new year, i’ve been getting back on my feet, finding a new place to live, celebrating friendships and love and all the little things that now mean so much to me. there is a new peace and grace in my life.
last week when i saw the hills, i thought, yes…wildfires can seem to ravage our lives. they can be scary and even paralyzing. they can burn through our centers leaving nothing behind but our cores. we can get exhausted and feel we have nothing left to offer. empty.
wildfires can also be necessary. to burn through layers of junk we’ve spent years building to hide from what we really want or things that will make us whole and happy. to create space to bring in new experiences more in line with our authentic selves. it’s a dramatic, all consuming event.
but if you find yourself ever in the middle of a wildfire, let it run right through you. surrender wholeheartedly. no use fighting it. it will win. and let it take everything from you. don’t bother packing any boxes. you won’t need those old things where you’re heading.