this past weekend, i had two dance shows.  for a week, we rehearsed from 6-11pm every night.  it was absolutely exhausting and my body is aching all over.  last night was our show in escondido.  i drove the bus of the 12 of us back home at midnight.  it felt good to be able to do that for my second family while they gently slept all the way back to the valley.  i sat back and reflected about the night…

at one point in the middle of the performance, i looked up and saw all of the lights above.  a pink light in particular caught my eye and for a brief moment, i found myself outside of my body having this thought: i have literally grown up on stage.

since the time i can remember, i have been rehearsing or performing for something or another.  and it only occurred to me last night that maybe this is not everyone’s experience.  maybe there are a whole lot of people who have never been backstage putting make-up on in front of a mirror with hot light bulbs blazing.  maybe there are folks who’ve never had to strip down on the side of the stage to make a 45 second costume change with the tech guys politely turning their heads and your fellow dancers frantically tucking things and wrapping you in costumes while you can feel the sweat running down your body.  maybe some have never had the experience of staring into a black as night theater exposed and open in heart and mind.

my body is aching today and i recognize that i’m not invincible.  one day, my skin and flesh will tell me it’s had enough of the plie and the stomping on the souls of my feet.  but i tell you, i am having a blast in the meantime! 

i would not trade one moment of the last 20+ years of dance in my life.  there is not another thing in my life that i’ve experienced that has given me the kind of high from dancing with abandon.  not drugs, not sex, not even a first kiss with a new beau.

the night before the escondido show, we played "secret," which is the indian version of truth or dare.  wow!  a few dancers from india were with us and i wasn’t prepared to hear the things i did.  but i am moved that i did. 

all of our secrets were raw and human and gave us an intimacy that we’ve just missed over the years.  when we danced saturday night, we had a new type of intimacy on stage.  not just one of bodies knowing each other for the past 6 years.  but an intimacy of the mind and of the heart. 

if you get a chance…if you find someone who is willing to enter your trust circle, tell them a secret and listen to theirs.  then stand back and watch what happens.  you may find you feel like dancing with them.

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