on august 22, my nephew was born.  i am officially an aunty!  and officially under the spell of this little one.  the call came at 11pm california time.  "hi, she’s in labor."  she’s in labor?!?  i jumped out of bed excited and for a split second was disappointed.  i was supposed to be there.  i bought a ticket to be there 10 days before his due date.  he decided to come 3 weeks early.  bummer. 

by the time i got on a plane, my nephew was a full 36 hours old.  i hopped on tuesday night’s redeye to cleveland.  my brother and mom picked me up in his suv with the infant seat turned backwards in the back.  in an instant, life had changed. 

i came to my brother and gave him a big hug and said, "hi dad!"  he smiled, hugged me back and put my suitcases in the car.  when we got to the hospital, baby sheik was in him mom’s arms and i went to greet them both.  i had never carried a child two days old.  it’s an incredible feeling.  exhilirated to meet him, scared he might slip through my hands, in peace that such a gift has blessed our family.  we must have done something right in a past life to deserve him.

i am here in my brother and sister-in-law’s home.  it’s suburbia and i am helping them get accustomed to their new life as parents.  today i thought…with me helping, it’s like the blind leading the blind.  i don’t know the first thing about taking care of babies.  but i tell you something, you sure do learn fast! 

in the beginning, there’s a simplicity to life.  basic survival needs.  food, water, comfort, love.  these are things i can lend a hand to.  i helped bathe him tonight.  i can change him, feed him, dress him.  but most of all, i know how to kiss him 100 times.  i hope he can feel all that love. 

priorities have been changing for me these past months since artwallah’s completed.  i have felt myself centering more on family and friends.  as hard as i can work, i’ve made a conscious decision to take time out of my days to return home.  quiet dinners, long conversations, singing softly to my nephew in his ear.  i was in heaven. 

music has a new meaning in my life.  there is a sweetness to it once again, an innocence.  it is so easy to get caught up in the business and to lose sight of the reason we love music in the beginning.  it brings us joy.  i saw that in him tonight. 

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it’s been a while since i’ve had time to take afternoon naps and enjoy a slower pace of life.  after artwallah, i jumped right into summer season of dance and it just ended last saturday.  so the last 7 days, i’ve pretty much spent my time eating, sleeping, and playing my guitar.

the last two nights, i had gigs.  one at harvelle’s and one at the talking stick.  i’m back to my roots.  small, intimate rooms with just my guitar.  only this time, i know i’m prepping for my 10 city tour in the new year and i have a cd to sell.

tonight it’s friday night.  i have a glass of wine by me.  midieval punditz playing on my computer.  and i’m trying to figure out some RSS feature that a friend asked me to add to this blog.  i first had to google what RSS meant.  turns out, it means that everytime i post a new entry, any of the subscribers would get an email letting them know that i posted.  i tried to figure out how to do it.  i’ve gotten as far as getting the link, "subscribe to this feed," on my site.  beyond that, it doesn’t work.  it’s a slow friday night folks…

i’m going to grab my guitar and work on the raitt song and maybe even try my hand at writing a new one.  i hope you are well tonight.  i’m thinking of you lots.

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it’s one of the most beautiful songs ever written in my opinion.  there are two versions of the song - both equally mezmerizing.  bonnie raitt and george michael.  now i’m working on adding it to my set.  gotta learn the chords first.  i am loving the challenge.

tonight i got my first night of booking.  my gig coming up in september 17 at kavadume (virtual world cafe) is going to be made up of artists i’m lucky enough to know and are in town to play.  ananda sen is joining me for the night.  phenomenal r&b/soul singer.  i will keep you posted on who else is joining that night.

i get back from cleveland september 16, the night before my gig, after i greet my new nephew who hopefully will make his appearance while i’m still in cleveland and not on the night i have a gig at palmers!  today he gave his mommy and daddy a bit of a scare because he didn’t move around for a bit.  turns out when the baby gets bigger there ain’t a lot of room so they chill a lot.  i told my sister-in-law that she’s got a fat, lazy baby in there!  it helped her laugh and chill a bit herself. 

i’ve spent the last couple of nights working on my dream journal.  i go through tons of magazines and cut out pics that provoke an emotion in me and then make collages in this giant red book of mine.  you can know a lot about me if you flipped through that book.  i’m even getting to know myself better.  try it out.  it’s like you’re back in first grade with a pair of scissors, some elmer’s glue and some magazines.  remarkably, it’s a way into your mind and soul. 

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this past weekend, i had two dance shows.  for a week, we rehearsed from 6-11pm every night.  it was absolutely exhausting and my body is aching all over.  last night was our show in escondido.  i drove the bus of the 12 of us back home at midnight.  it felt good to be able to do that for my second family while they gently slept all the way back to the valley.  i sat back and reflected about the night…

at one point in the middle of the performance, i looked up and saw all of the lights above.  a pink light in particular caught my eye and for a brief moment, i found myself outside of my body having this thought: i have literally grown up on stage.

since the time i can remember, i have been rehearsing or performing for something or another.  and it only occurred to me last night that maybe this is not everyone’s experience.  maybe there are a whole lot of people who have never been backstage putting make-up on in front of a mirror with hot light bulbs blazing.  maybe there are folks who’ve never had to strip down on the side of the stage to make a 45 second costume change with the tech guys politely turning their heads and your fellow dancers frantically tucking things and wrapping you in costumes while you can feel the sweat running down your body.  maybe some have never had the experience of staring into a black as night theater exposed and open in heart and mind.

my body is aching today and i recognize that i’m not invincible.  one day, my skin and flesh will tell me it’s had enough of the plie and the stomping on the souls of my feet.  but i tell you, i am having a blast in the meantime! 

i would not trade one moment of the last 20+ years of dance in my life.  there is not another thing in my life that i’ve experienced that has given me the kind of high from dancing with abandon.  not drugs, not sex, not even a first kiss with a new beau.

the night before the escondido show, we played "secret," which is the indian version of truth or dare.  wow!  a few dancers from india were with us and i wasn’t prepared to hear the things i did.  but i am moved that i did. 

all of our secrets were raw and human and gave us an intimacy that we’ve just missed over the years.  when we danced saturday night, we had a new type of intimacy on stage.  not just one of bodies knowing each other for the past 6 years.  but an intimacy of the mind and of the heart. 

if you get a chance…if you find someone who is willing to enter your trust circle, tell them a secret and listen to theirs.  then stand back and watch what happens.  you may find you feel like dancing with them.

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we just added another station spinning tracks from rock candy.

for those of you in the bay area, please tune into 96.1 fm ksqq tonight for the imaginasian radio program.  the show’s from 6-8pm and my live interview is at 7:30pm. 

for those of you not in the bay area, you can stream the show live from the website too! 

thanks!

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i can’t tell you that i’ve grown up in any dangerous place.  not in the least.  i’ve led a very protected life.  but i still consider myself a city girl, comfortable in los angeles, nyc, london.  able to handle the busy streets and jostling of people, abrasive dispositions, bring it on!

in the sleepy, laid-back town of sante fe, it was the last place on earth that i thought i’d hear two gunshots fired outside of my bedroom window. 

it was not that late.  11pm.  i was watching "closer" on my laptop in bed.  i heard a couple of guys fighting outside.  i had the windows open to let in the cool, summer breeze.  expletives rushed through, but i brushed it off as a couple of guys with too much testosterone working out their frustrations.  i heard running.  i heard name calling. 

and then i heard a gun shot. 

and then i heard another.

i have never been so scared in my life.  the last time i was remotely this frantic was when i was 10.  living in anaheim in a condo when the night stalker was on the loose.  the crazed killer/rapist that was attacking beige homes in southern california. 

all these sense memories of that childhood fright came up.  it is amazing the things we store in our bodies with absolutely no awareness. 

i called the front desk when i overcame my paralysis.  no answer.  the longest 10 minutes of my life passed before the police came.  and all i could wonder was whether someone was hurt or dead lying in the alley next to my window.  the sirens were the sweetest sound. 

i had been ducking low in the room and walking to the phone to keep trying the front desk.  what if more shots came?

luckily none followed.  the police were downstairs for about an hour looking around in the night for clues i suppose.  when i finally got through to the front desk, they said no one was caught and no one was hurt that they could see.

but the panic would not let go.  it took me almost two hours to calm down.  have you ever heard gun shots mixed with anger and hatred?  within 10 feet of you?  how do people live like this?  and where does that type of anger come from that someone would think that shooting a man down in the middle of a street is an answer to his problems?

this morning i found out that the "kids" were arrested.  all i have to say is…gun control laws people.  not every moron on the street should be able to own one. 

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